If there is something that I have learnt from parenting a strong willed child, it is to choose my battles wisely. His first words to anything I say are ‘No.’ Second is a ‘NO.’ Thankfully now that I have understood how to handle him, the third time is a turn around and we agree to co-operate and move forward.
Strong-willed children are wonderful. They are usually the ones who will have their viewpoints, their opinions and their own thoughts. While others may follow, if parented right, these could pave their own path. Remember that the trick is to break their will, not their spirit.
These are the tips that I have formulated to cope with my strong willed child.
How To Handle A Strong Willed Child Tip #1: Give Positive Choices
Its 7.30 pm and my son just won’t go in for a shower. I’ve asked him twice and he just won’t do it. At that time deconstructing the box of thermocoal is all that mattered to him! So I ask him for the third time (yes, you have to be patient) and offer him two choices “We are going to shower now. Would you like to shower on your own or should mom help you.” This reiterates that he must take a shower and if doesn’t want to do it, Mummy could do it for him.
I have said this in my previous blog Stubborn Or Strong Willed? What Is Your Child All About? Strong-willed children are those who like to be in-charge. They think they are capable and can handle themselves. This is where when we as parents step in to tell them that things have to be done differently, they feel more inclined to not accept. So instead offer them choices. Find options which work for you and within that framework, seek his opinion.
How To Handle A Strong Willed Child Tip #2: Allow Them To Experience
Ruhaan learns from experience. He would like to do and see. He won’t just accept what we say. This is extremely challenging and exhausting. But this is the way he is. It also suggests that he wants to explore and learn. This ignites curiosity and a establishes a parallel line of questioning. Nothing wrong with that. I just have to make sure he is safe while he is at it. So what do I do? I keep him close. I have worked on remaining calm and this has helped me to deal with him better. Less stress on my relationship with him!
How To Handle A Strong Willed Child Tip #3: Repeat
These children don’t belong to the bracket of kids who will do as is said. They would always want to exercise a new way to do things, behave in a particular manner and see what happens ‘if’ they do things differently. While this is not wrong, it is times like these that it becomes necessary to repeat the correct behaviour or repeat what is expected out of them. If they ask for something rudely repeat how you would prefer for them to ask you. This continuous repetition becomes important in order to remind them of their limits.
How To Handle A Strong Willed Child Tip #4: Set Rules And Routines Together
Here’s what I did. I sat with my older one and compiled an entire week’s schedule. I included him smartly in the planning of things that we should do, the house chores that needed to be done, study time and so on. Now everytime he offers resistance to do something, I simply show him the schedule. This way, there is no struggle. He knows studies come before screen time. Evening snack comes before play time and thus forth.
How To Handle A Strong Willed Child Tip #5: Be Calm And Wait Out The Storm
From my experience I have realized that trying to reason in the midst of a tantrum never helps. So it is best to wait it out no matter how excruciating it might seem. That doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t deal with the issue once the storm has passed. There’s an overall agreement among moms that under any circumstances a calm voice and tone can help resolve many issues. It helps a strong-willed child regain emotional control, feel like she’s having some say in the conversation and be a part of reaching a satisfactory solution to a problem.
A brilliant book on this issue is How To Handle A Strong Willed Child by Robert J McKenzie. It is available on Amazon and is a real eye-opener to parenting a strong willed child.
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